With the onslaught of toxic dating habits like gaslighting and ghosting, breakups in 2020 are more complicated than ever.
Here’s our practical guide on how to get over a breakup in today’s context.
1. Allow yourself to feel every. Single. Raw. Emotion.
Day after day, allowing yourself to feel all your emotions will actually help you to get them out of your system, and as time goes by, you’ll slowly learn to make space for more positive feelings.
Rather than suppressing your pent-up emotions, accept that you’re a human being with feelings, and just feel. Pro-tip: build your own Spotify breakup playlist.
2. Talk about it to people you trust.
We have friends and family for a reason. Turn to your closest friends to talk about what happened and how you’re dealing with it.
You’ll be surprised at the different perspectives they can offer to allow you to look at things more objectively.
3. Write it all down.
Penning down your endless stream of thoughts definitely helps to put things into perspective. It doesn’t even matter what you write sometimes.
The important thing is that you get a sense of closure after writing, which can help you with moving forward.
4. Reminisce the good old times.
Most people will tell you to stop dwelling on your past and to block your ex on social media.
But think about it – it’s also necessary to accept that this person was a part of your life, and that you were both happy at one point. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with treasuring the memories you both created.
5. Relive the bad times & painful moments.
Happy memories are great, but what about the bad stuff? You probably wouldn’t have broken up if things were fine and dandy.
Think about your differences, your incompatibilities and why things went downhill. Think about all the times you doubted your relationship and the times you weren’t honest with yourself about how you were really feeling.
You can even try re-reading texts with your ex during an argument. This will provide you with more clarity about why both of you were wrong for each other.
6. Sing at a Karaoke
This one’s straightforward, and it really helps with reigniting some semblance of life in you again.
For starters, try Linkin Park’s “Numb”. There’s no quick fix for how to get over a breakup, but there’s something really therapeutic about letting it all out through a song.
Plus, you don’t need to have perfect pitch to yell along with a song.
7. Plan something fun and quirky with a close friend.
Who says we can’t date our friends?
Ask your friend out for a movie date and dress up just for the sake of it. You might be surprised at how much fun you have. Never underestimate quality time with your friends.
8. Don’t sign up for meaningless activities just for the sake of it.
It may be tempting to throw yourself into that whole “go learn something new” drastic lifestyle change, but you may need to think a little deeper about what actually makes you feel happy.
Don’t waste your money and time on things that you are not genuinely interested in. If you’re not sure where to start, you can always try out some simple home exercises with a cheap yoga mat.
9. Work towards a realistic goal.
What goals and dreams have you always wanted to achieve? No matter how small they are, there’s no better time to start than now.
Even if you’ve never been the ambitious sort, there must be something you’re interested in learning (unless you’re totally fine with being a couch potato forever; you do you.)
Think about it – you have no huge distractions, no romantic dates to plan, and so much more time. It’s never too late to start.
10. Dine alone. Shop alone. Watch a movie alone.
Most people dislike being alone, but this makes us emotionally overdependent on others.
Grab a book and chill at that cafe alone. Go to the cinema to catch the movie you’ve been wanting to watch, alone. Indulge in retail therapy alone.
When you love hanging out with yourself, you’ll radiate a certain confidence that many will find much more attractive.
11. Don’t jump into another serious relationship…yet.
It’s easy to catch feelings for other people who give us attention when we’re at our lowest point.
But when you haven’t fully recovered from your breakup, you’re actually carrying all that emotional baggage and dumping it on your newfound love interest.
Commonly known as a “rebound”, you’re basically using this person to get over your ex. Which starts the whole vicious cycle again.
That’s not to say that using dating apps is wrong. We can take advantage of these apps to meet different, more compatible types of people and better understand what we want or do not want in a partner.
If you find yourself attracted to someone else, take the time to get to know this person as a friend first. For all you know, this friendship could blossom into something more later on.
Deal with your own healing process and make sure you’ve completely gotten over your ex before seriously committing to someone.
12. Trust the process, and hang in there.
Consistency is key.
You can’t expect to get over your breakup overnight just because you’ve followed these tips today, but you do have to trust that the constant effort you’re putting in everyday will help you get there as quickly as possible.
For now, give yourself a pat on the back for surviving today.
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